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I'm sitting here covered in sweat, shaking, just now able to get my breathing under control after tae bo today.
I've always been a fat kid. Forever and ever. Dealt with other kids telling me how disgusting I was, dealt with my father telling me how disgusting I was. All this while my mom bought more and more junk food. I know it's not entirely the parents fault. I could have pushed myself somehow to be more active. Couldn't afford sports equipment but I could have run around outside or something, right? But outside was full of Them: the people who pointed and laughed.
So now I'm trying to overcome years and years worth of insecurities and negative body images. I have an amazing source of support now. Sometimes it makes me feel horrible though. Like when I eat a candy bar and I feel like I'm letting all that support down.
In February I weighed close to 255 pounds. Now I seem to be fluctuating around the 225 mark. I've basically cut my calorie intake over half of what it was; have a labor intensive job that I work at almost every day for 6 hours, come home and tae bo and later either play tennis or ddr for an hour. Some clothes are fitting better, some aren't.
I'd really like someone to give me a hug. Pat my head and tell me that it's okay. That I'm doing well; that even if I struggle it will still be okay no matter what. But in the end it's just me, right? I have to give myself that boost to keep going.
Seriously, body. How do you have enough liquid left in you to cry. WASN'T IT ALL SWEATED OUT ALREADY. XD
Oh well. Keep on getting on I guess.
I've always been a fat kid. Forever and ever. Dealt with other kids telling me how disgusting I was, dealt with my father telling me how disgusting I was. All this while my mom bought more and more junk food. I know it's not entirely the parents fault. I could have pushed myself somehow to be more active. Couldn't afford sports equipment but I could have run around outside or something, right? But outside was full of Them: the people who pointed and laughed.
So now I'm trying to overcome years and years worth of insecurities and negative body images. I have an amazing source of support now. Sometimes it makes me feel horrible though. Like when I eat a candy bar and I feel like I'm letting all that support down.
In February I weighed close to 255 pounds. Now I seem to be fluctuating around the 225 mark. I've basically cut my calorie intake over half of what it was; have a labor intensive job that I work at almost every day for 6 hours, come home and tae bo and later either play tennis or ddr for an hour. Some clothes are fitting better, some aren't.
I'd really like someone to give me a hug. Pat my head and tell me that it's okay. That I'm doing well; that even if I struggle it will still be okay no matter what. But in the end it's just me, right? I have to give myself that boost to keep going.
Seriously, body. How do you have enough liquid left in you to cry. WASN'T IT ALL SWEATED OUT ALREADY. XD
Oh well. Keep on getting on I guess.