chesuto: (Default)


There were just a few people at my graduation. And of course there's a whole part of the stadium not shown here. Craaaazy. I'll upload more pics when I can...be bothered to do all the html to do a post XD
chesuto: (Group - d'aw wookit dees cheeks)
My head's journey through campus this morning!



the fountain makes me want to pee )
chesuto: (Default)
Everything will be better in the morning. To fall now, at the final stretch, would be inexcusable.

Thank you for caring enough to tell me when I'm stupid, Sparky.
chesuto: (Ohno - bird brained)
I have to decide if I want to go to a shitty school in Michigan, or a shitty school in Boston within the next two weeks. I don't know if I'll get in to a good school in Boston or New York; most of them say they won't have a decision until the end of April.

Way to have to make a major life decision while frantically trying to catch up with school work and start end of semester projects.

Michigan will be way cheaper of course. But it seems like this shitty Boston school has decent financial aid opportunities.

I'm not sure how to go about making a decision like this. So, I won't do it today and instead read about the anti-homosexual movements of the '50s.
chesuto: (Sho - no drill sargeant!)
My brain has utterly rebelled.

My apartment is trashed. Dishes still aren't done. Laundry all over the floor.

Can't be bothered to shower. Can't be bothered to do homework.

I'm fucking myself over and I can't bring myself to care.

What happened? I was okay. I dunno. Kim getting engaged was the final breaking point for me I guess.

What do I want out of life. Why do I have to make those decisions now? Responsibilities and choices...

Two more months and then my life changes forever.

I'm terrified of change.
chesuto: (Group - d'aw wookit dees cheeks)
y'know...

It just dawned on me. I'm freaking out about SOMUCHTODOOOOOO but like....I'm already in law school. It's my last semester. It's very unlikely that I'll FAIL any class, since they're all based on papers and seriously, is it possible to fail on a paper?

So. Wtf am I freaking out about. No one cares about my last semester grades, so...why should I kill myself over them?

orz, me. orz
chesuto: (Sho - letter to myself)
I realized today just what an ungrateful bastard I am.

Coworker: "Hear anything about law schools yet?"

Me: "Yeah, I got in to two of my safety schools, MSU and Cooley."

Coworker: "hahahaha I love how you call MSU a safety school, my roommate would kill to get in there; he's not being accepted anywhere yet"

Me: ._____.
chesuto: (Misc - preparing for the end)
I just got my 2nd acceptance letter from Thomas Cooley Law School here in A2 and they offered me a 50% scholarship.

I just can't get excited. The guy told me the wrong school he was calling from the other day; I was accepted to Michigan State, not U of M.

So I've been accepted to 2 second tier law schools so far.

I mean. It really shouldn't matter where I go to school, I mean. As long as I pass the bar, right? Is it better to graduate at the top of a second tier school or the bottom of a first tier school? I dunno.

My self esteem would just really like to be accepted to a 1st tier school, but really. Did I work as hard as I could? No. I don't deserve a 1st tier admission.

Why can't I be happy.
chesuto: (Misc - inner fierce)
bleh been in a bad funk lately that it's hard to get out of. These new medications make me so tiiiired that it's hard to focus or care about anything. Bleh.

At least the army of snow removal people are hard at work. I swear UofM must employ a small battalion.

I don't want to read anymore for my classes ugh so burnt out. Spring Break come sooner I need a recharge.
chesuto: (Ohno - bird brained)
Today in therapy it was hypothesized that I have daddy issues.

I think it's a bad sign that instead of thinking of how to work through this, I'm thinking of Austin Powers.
chesuto: (Group - d'aw wookit dees cheeks)
I think I might finally be on the right mix of medications. Or been in a really good mood the last few days. EITHER WAY I am accomplishing things and am now waiting until my laundry is done before diving back in to homework.

All of my law applications have been submitted. Nothing else I have to do now which is a relief. No more worrying about letters or transcripts! Just chillin! Aaahhhh chillin.

I've been chillin' on my schoolwork too. Surprisingly the world hasn't blown up! I've been trying to do my hair everyday and my next goal should probably be to clean my apt whoops.

Hopefully my applications for my first choice schools are in soon enough that if I fail, I still have time to hit up my second tier choices :Db

Things are going well! Let's keep this up!
chesuto: (Misc - preparing for the end)
i just can't handle this anymore
chesuto: (Sho - not so neighborly)
Been crying on and off since classes started. Psychiatrist isn't returning my calls. Got a new hair cut that makes me cry whenever I see myself in the mirror and I look in the mirror a lot because I hate myself.

Broke all my resolutions already.

Been working on a Speech all morning instead of doing homework or something else constructive. Internal Speeches are never good, and yet...

I'll just try to pick up as many shifts as I can and get back on track with homework. Need to stay away from the computer.
chesuto: (Sho - at a glance)
Everything seems like it's exploding. I was doing pretty well with maintaining composure and not checking my email every five seconds and obsessing like a freak and now LOLOL it's all back again. Can't concentrate, can't sleep. Want to curl in a ball in a corner somewhere.

There's nothing more I can do. My hands are tied until my professors and university get their shit into the law school admissions council. I've made my wishes and schedules known to Interested Parties, it's up to them if they come or not.

I just don't know how to deal with the crushing disappointment if nothing happens.

Hopefully I'll be back on medication next week. Pleeeeease make that help.
chesuto: (Nino - i will kill you where you stand)
Such a terrible day today. Annoyed by people at Mochitsuki, then annoyed by people at work. Annoyed, annoyed, annoyed.

I have this problem where I have standards for people. For example, if I ask you to get something and you tell me you'll get it I...expect you to get it! If I ask you not to do something and you acknowledge it, I expect you not to do it two seconds later! People are just really, really annoying me lately. It's probably compounded by me being off meds so things are more difficult to just let go.

My therapist says that thinking that way is what hurts me. That I have all these expectations in my head that I can't allow for people to do their own thing. And he's probably right since he's a trained professional and all.

But I dunno. Is it so much to ask to hold people to their word? Bleh.
chesuto: (Misc - note to self)
I can barely move, I feel like I'm going to throw up, and I want to just cry and cry and cry.

But I got through the first day and haven't slacked off on anything I said I'd do. It'll get easier. Just have to keep going.
chesuto: (Misc - hello sushi minus hot guy)
Oh maaaaan today is being rough. Started out okay with my shopping trip, but seeing something that I may or may not have taken the wrong way is sending me doooooown. Trying to not dwell; I have some mozzarella sticks in the oven and then I'll try to read more TRC.

The weather hasn't helped much, stupid Ann Arbor.

Me: *waiting for the mall bus*
A2: *blowing snoooooow 8D*
Me: *a;sdlkjf GETS ON BUS D:*
A2: *...stops snowing, brings out the sun :D*
Me: *.....gets off at Mall?*
A2: *....oshi-- SNOOOOOW 8D*
Me: *a;dlkfj*

Coming home:
Me: *waiting for mall bus inside the mall :|*
A2: *aaww c'mon out, look it's sunny again :D*
Me: *...k*
A2: *hahhahahahahahaa snooooooow for youuuuu 8D*
Me: *as;dlkfj*
chesuto: (Misc - preparing for the end)
Finally crashing.

bleh

Nov. 30th, 2009 05:09 pm
chesuto: (Ohno - bird brained)
One day I'll stop having expectations from my parents.

Today I made an appointment to be transferred to the University's depression center. I e-mailed my parents to let them know that since my appointment is on the 23rd, I don't think I'd be able to go up to their house for Christmas since they'd have to come pick me up since my sister isn't driving home. But they're more than welcome to come down here and just celebrate and just not take me back with them like they would have had to do if I went home sooner.

So my mom calls me.

"So your sister isn't coming home then? And we probably won't be able to drive down anyway since my hours got cut."

No asking about my therapy. No 'awww no family Christmas times'. Just a blunt 'what's your sister doing'.

I just replied, "I'm not my sister." and refused to say much else.

Sigh.

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幸せはきっと私の手の中に

May 2010

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